Confessions of a M.O.D (Mature Online Dater) 3. – Honesty and the Internet

Woke up this morning feeling very happy. No particular reason other than life is good! I’m surprised and pleased to have the friends I’ve made online – there are some which have become part of my inner circle and I know will remain in my life for a long time.  There is one thing that I’ve realised though  – I still can’t admit to my other “real life” friends that I originally met these people online.

Even with the growth of social media and online dating, there still seems to be that connotation that meeting online is in the desperate and dateless category.  I’m left questioning whether my longtime friends still even know who I really am after the numerous white lies I’ve told of where I’ve found my online friends – markets, cooking class, nightclub.  Come on guys…I’m a MATURE online dater, do you really think I’ll be finding my new friends at a nightclub??

I log on most nights. Firstly to catch up with online friends – to find out what they have been up that day – much the same as smsing/calling any other friend: just a different medium.    Secondly, too see who else is about.   After clicking the “No Thanks” box more times than I can remember,  I view the profiles of  those who have made contact – just to see 🙂 For me its more a case of knowing what I dont want, rather than what I do. Do you find this?

Confessions of a M.O.D online dating tip 1: I rarely click the Search box.  

I have found: A. In my opinion, the  “Matches” returned may as well be labelled “Mis-matches” !… or B. They live on the other side of the country two States away!

Moving on, I noticed one faceless profile had left me an invitation to chat earlier that day.  His message basically asked if I would get back to him when I had a chance as I sounded interesting. Politeness works for me so I added his name and said thanks.  Since I’ve been online dating for almost a year now I’ve pretty much got my follow up inquiries down to a fine art….I did the quick Profile click and discovered: Single? yes….Age? (I’m open to five years either side).. so yes… Distance Ok? yep….Wants Kids? relieved he ticked No! …. He had the usual range of  interests: dinners, music, movies (and no, amazingly he didn’t include The Shawshank Redemption as his favourite). I was also pleased to see he resisted including the common phrase:  “Snuggling by the open fire with a good red and a good woman”.  So apart from his love of bungie jumping ( I’m happy to mind the back packs! ) this guy sounded pretty good.

Scanning his profile further, he described himself as  “Outgoing & quiet, smart & dumb,  funny & serious, fast & slow…”.  It was at this point that my alarm bells went off.   As my children would say: “WTF ?”

Was he confused? Did he suffer mood swings? Was the “Fast & Slow” referring to his pace at stacking the dishwasher? Preparing his Tax Return? His performance in the bedroom?

As shallow as it sounds, his profile picture was cute though so I decided his inconsistencies would be a talking point to begin with at least and I left him a message saying I’d be back at 8pm.

At 8pm I logged on and saw he was available. Initiating the conversation I began with the small talk:  “How long have you been online ? How have you found it?  I asked general questions about work, how he spent spare time. etc and told him a little of myself.  There were longer pauses than usual in his replies,  so I assumed he was either chatting to others at the same time,  multi tasking: laptop in the kitchen, making coffee, feeding the dog, or merely a slow typist!

I feel now would be the time to let you all know that I am typically a patient person in real life, however, 1 real life minute equates to 10 online minutes.

After about five  minutes I’d had enough!   His lack of response and zero input made me wonder why he was online at all.   I couldn’t help asking if he was having a quiet, dumb, seriously, slow night? … more pauses….I was about to end this (non)chat,  when he confessed.  His profile was copied and pasted from others, none of it was him, he had no confidence and asked what he should do?

The temptation to say: “Get a life !” was strong, however I suggested he be honest,  tell it like it is, and keep in mind everyone is different.

He liked my idea and ended up amending his profile to say “New to this, a little shy to start, happy to make new friends here.. Tell me about yourself”.  We chatted for another half an hour (online minutes!), i wished him all the best, and logged off.

I didn’t think any more of that chat, until about six weeks later,  when he contacted me saying he hadn’t been out with anyone yet,  but had made two friends and was enjoying talking with them. He thanked me then wished me good night….

I concluded: A happy ending of a different kind!

Ms M.O.D.

Confessions of a M.O.D (mature online dater) is a continuing saga of ongoings interspersed with some funny and not so positive accounts of one woman’s online dating experiences . Her aim is to provide some insight into the mechanics of the online dating world for mature adults… 

4 thoughts on “Confessions of a M.O.D (Mature Online Dater) 3. – Honesty and the Internet

  1. Refinedone Reply

    Dear Ms Mod,
    I am a “mature” online dater as well. Actually I’m in 60’s and twice divorced so not sure if I still count as mature….probably more “refined”. I had to laugh at your blog, my children have became very suspicious of my new “friends” and are struggling to understand how I can possibly meet all these people on random days out. Thanks for sharing…it’s good to know other people are in the same boat as me! Unfortunately I am constantly contacted by scammers on my profile…I think as soon as you say your divorced and over 60 then you are immediately on their hitlist.


  2. Rob Reply

    I don’t think you should have to feel guilty about not telling your friends where you meet men. We all have very private sides to our lives and that is just part of your life that you don’t want to devulge to the world. Nothing wrong with that and if your friends love you and accepting…it won’t matter.

    • Ms M.O.D. Reply

      Thanks for your comment Refinedone ! Was busy surfing !
      I’m sure many would agree when I say :
      GO GIRL !! Don’t worry about others opinions , enjoy your life . I’d probably amend your profile to show: Single, and include vibrant, positive and outgoing ! Have fun ..

    • Ms M.O.D. Reply

      Thanks again Rob ! Very well spoken .. None of us have to justify ourselves . And we all have a private side, which explains why bloggers are anonymous 🙂

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